Last Thursday early morning, I checked my EURUSD trades on my VPS
I was using the four-chart system by Caalador and I was interested in the drawdown level – and also the amount of open trades (lots) as Alpari have a two open lot limit on micro accounts
I then checked the same account with the platform on my laptop:
Note that the market watch time is within a minute
VPS: 06:14:13
Lap: 06:15:10
The drawdown was very different:
VPS: -189.47
Lap: -283.93
I emailed my broker contact at Alpari UK
Dear David,
Last Friday morning, I noticed a considerable difference between the profit column total on my VPS and my laptop.
The laptop 'version' has no EA's active and is for monitoring my trades, to save me logging onto my VPS, and also backtesting and optimising.
At 06:14:13 server time, the drawdown in the profit column (VPS) stood at -189.47
At 06:15:10 server time, the drawdown in the profit column (Laptop) stood at -283.93
I immediately closed all trades via my VPS because I hoped that the larger drawdown was some 'glitch' and that I would be able to close the trades on the platform with the lower drawdown. The platform however re-adjusted as each trade was closing, giving me the loss as displayed on my laptop.
Naturally I disabled my VPS platform for live trading at once.
I hope you will be able to help me with this - perhaps your technical dept will be able to assist.
As a safety measure, I will cross-check the prices on the VPS and my laptop in future and get back to you if the same thing occurs again.
I hope you are well
Best Wishes
Henry
(I had got the day wrong – it was Thursday morning and not Friday – but it proved no big confusion – and after pointing it out, my explanation was accepted by Alpari.)
I was subsequently contacted by Valentina Zanetti of Customer Services:
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your email.
Please note that the difference may be due to the different settings on the profit column.
In fact, one may be expressed in the term currency whilst the other may be expressed in the deposit currency.
Please make sure both have the same option ticked.
Simply right click with your mouse in the “trade” tab, select “profit” and choose your desired setting.
(helpful illustration inserted here on original email)
Should you require further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Kind Regards
Valentina Zanetti
Client Services Representative
I responded as follows:
Hello ~ Thank you for your response. However both platforms are expressed in 'deposit' currency.
I hope you can assist further in this matter
Henry J Metcalfe
Alpari then noticed my mistake with the dates:
Dear Deisy or collegue,
You are quite right, I typed the date incorrectly...it was the 21st, however the screenshots I provided in my original email on this thread relate to the 21st. It was a typing error on my part and in no way explains the profit column difference.
I have re-attached the screenshots to this email, with apologies for this error, which shows the problem of the time difference.
Deisy De Nobrega responded:
From: Alpari (UK) Customer Services <CustomerServices@alpari.co.uk>
Subject: RE: Profit column difference
To: "'Henry Metcalfe'" <henrymetcalfe@yahoo.co.uk>
Cc: "Alpari (UK) Customer Services" <CustomerServices@alpari.co.uk>
Date: Monday, 25 July, 2011, 17:25
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your email.
Your account number 860146 did not have any open trades on the last 2 Fridays: 15/07/2011 and 22/07/2011. Could you verify that the details you have provided are correct?
Kind regards
Deisy De Nobrega
Client Services Representative
Silly me! I replied at once:
From: Henry Metcalfe [mailto:henrymetcalfe@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: 25 July 2011 18:25
To: Alpari (UK) Customer Services
Subject: RE: Profit column difference
Dear Deisy or Collegue,
I am sorry, I typed the date wrongly. It was the 21st - as the attached screenshots show.
It was a silly typing error on my part, which in no way solves the mystery of the profit column difference between my VPS and my laptop.
I hope that my mistake in typing the date does not confuse the issue.
Best Wishes
Henry J Metcalfe
Alpari UK then put forward another possible cause:
--- On Mon, 25/7/11, Alpari (UK) Customer Services <CustomerServices@alpari.co.uk> wrote:
From: Alpari (UK) Customer Services <CustomerServices@alpari.co.uk>
Subject: RE: Profit column difference
To: "'Henry Metcalfe'" <henrymetcalfe@yahoo.co.uk>
Cc: "Alpari (UK) Customer Services" <CustomerServices@alpari.co.uk>
Date: Monday, 25 July, 2011, 19:16Dear Sir,
Thank you for your clarification.
The reason of the discrepancies is that the EUR/USD and GBP/USD rates at 06:14:13 and 06:15:10 were different, consequently, the platform displayed the floating profit/loss based on the prevailing prices at those times.
I hope this answers your questions, however, please do not hesitate to contact us should you have any queries.
Kind regards
Deisy De Nobrega
Client Services Representative
Email: support@alpari.co.uk
Tel: +44 (0)20 7426 2900
Fax: +44 (0)20 7426 2949
Web: www.alpari.co.uk
Alpari (UK) Ltd
5th Floor
201 Bishopsgate
London
EC2M 3AB
My final response of yesterday was as follows:
Dear Deisy,
Thank you for getting back to me so promptly. I have to go to work now and so it will be tomorrow before I can respond fully. I had spent several minutes before I took the screenshots, flicking back and forth between the VPS platform and the one on my computer and the price differences were markedly different at all times.
When I closed the trades, which I did on my VPS, the prices showed markedly less drawdown when I initiated and closure than they did when closedown was completed - a matter of one or two seconds for each trade. As each trade closed, the completion price instantly adjusted to the price on my laptop platform.
I will look into it further tomorrow, in the light of what you have said - in the meantime I would be grateful if the technical department could check to see if there has been any 'glitch' which may have caused the anomaly.
I will also contact my VPS provider to see if anything could have caused the discrepancy.
Thank you again for your help and I will continue to monitor my VPS trades and report any further occurrences.
Best Wishes
Henry J Metcalfe
The final communication from Alpari has me confused and I would like expert analysis (just simple advice on how to respond) As you guys have so much more expertise than me, I hope you can spare the time to suggest responses I could make.
Something odd was going on and has been for months, which is why I stopped trading with any broker. Also d4v3 may recall his confusion about the leverage and the fact that my account was in GBP – perhaps Deisy did not realise that my account was not in USD….
….but really I am at a loss and I hope that you can help
Please be assured that I will treat your replies in strict confidence and not reveal the source…
I am still trading on the account and monitoring my VPS via my laptop and now the trades are identical on both.
Is this a virtual dealer at work, or am I missing something?
Best Wishes
Henry
JUST RECEIVED!
To:
"'Henry Metcalfe'" <henrymetcalfe@yahoo.co.uk>
Cc:
"Alpari (UK) Customer Services" <CustomerServices@alpari.co.uk>
Dear Mr Metcalfe,
Thank you for your email and the additional information that you provided.
We passed your case to our technical team but they were unable to replicate the issues that you have experienced.
Have you continued to experience those issues?
Kind regards
Deisy De Nobrega
Client Services Representative
Email: support@alpari.co.uk
Tel: +44 (0)20 7426 2900
Fax: +44 (0)20 7426 2949
Web: www.alpari.co.uk
Alpari (UK) Ltd
5th Floor
201 Bishopsgate
London
EC2M 3AB
I wondered why Deisy mentioned EURUSD and GBPUSD in her penultimate email – could it be that she initially assumed that my account was in dollars?
Account details:
Account Type: MICRO 1
Account Currency: GBP
Login/account Number:
Master Password: (to change this password, please go to Tools->Options->Server tab in your MetaTrader)
Telephone Password: (for account inquires and trading over telephone)
Leverage: 1:500 (to change the leverage go to https://my.alpari.co.uk/en/leverage/ or contact Client Services)
Hello Dave ~ Well at long last here they are...
Double-click on each photo and it will come up full size in a pop-up window.
If you want a specific size or crop...leave a comment and I will do it straightaway...not like the weeks it has taken me to get them up on this site
You probably know this, but all you have to do is to right-click on each photo and 'save as'
For copyright, please put simply 'photographs by Henry Metcalfe' and I would appreciate my email addresses .... henry@soulmerlin.com and also...henrymetcalfe@yahoo.co.uk
I wish you all the very best for your book publishing
If you want a signed (copyright) version....here it is....
I like the density of the signed print...so here it is again without the signature...
Now for the close-ups....two crops here....
and this really close one...
not forgetting the passer by...
this next one has never been published....
Please tell me when you have finished with copying them and I'll take them down. Not everyone is as honest as you are - and I'm aware that they're rather unique.
Let me know if you need any special 'crops' or other treatment.
Oh yes...as I said copyright Henry Metcalfe....all rights reserved.
Best Wishes
Henry
The theatre tour this year has been very arduous and the weekly change of venue, has found the company and myself, zig zagging up and down and across the country - Glasgow, Bournemouth, Ireland, Newcastle-upon-Tyne - of all the aspects of my profession, travelling is the part I would miss the least.
Touring requires both stamina and also a strong sense of a personal centre to cope, not only with different theatres, but also with the wanderers life-style of different "digs" and various accommodations each week.
Last year I was able to get home, at least for Sundays, but this year I am lucky if I see my home twice a month - and then only for a day or part of it.
This has also meant that my usual regular visits to Spiritualist Church have been interrupted. Perhaps oddly, I think that this may not be such a bad thing. During the first two years after Christina passed away, the church became my centre and my support, but I know in my heart that my centre should be within myself and not external, no matter how comforting that external support may be.
Neverthless, I was able to visit my friends at church, on the Sunday before we all flew to Belfast three weeks ago. The visiting medium was an elderly charismatic lady, who I immediately felt drawn towards and who, in her 'messages' to the congregation, turned to me and announced that there was a gentleman with her in spirit, who was here to help me.
Now I have received many messages through spiritual mediums, all encouraging me to write. The reason I have four blogs and a website, is solely through my experiences and contact from 'beyond'. Yet I remain (and maybe always will) a sceptic when it comes to the existence and the nature of the spirit world.
The message was encouraging however, in that it seemed to be the same as all the others over the past three years. The medium described my spiritual helper as being:
'surrounded by books'
I suppose it was natural for me to assume that the 'help' would be with my writing...
~
Northern Ireland and Belfast has changed enormously since my first visit in 1980. At that time, the 'troubles' were at a high and everyone was affected by them. I expect there was some risk in being there at the time, especially being English, but the Irish are such a warm spontaneous people, that I seldom felt in any danger.
It was in this climate of unrest, that an eccentric professor of Modern History, became a leading figure in the continuance and development of the performing arts in Belfast.
Michael Barnes cut a strange and angular figure that somehow complimented and blended with the unrest of the time.
My first impression was that I had met Fagin from Oliver Twist, in fact the character as played by Ron Moody in the film and stage musical version, could have been his twin brother, this likeness together with a total disregard for his own appearance, increased with time, until our last meeting in 1989.
Photo: Chris Hill
Last meetings grow with increasing years, but I was still a relatively young man, when Michael treated me to a banquet of a meal in the theatre restaurant. I can remember roast pork on a spit, roast potatoes covered in herbs and peas that tasted like they had just come straight from the pod. All that and a really beautiful bottle of vintage red wine. I was frankly overawed with the man; there is no other word to describe the disheveled academic other than 'erudite'.
There is a natural gap or difference between the English and the Celts of Ireland, Wales and Scotland, that political correctness tends to avoid, but which is fascinating when traced right back to it's origins, at the time of the Teutonic/Nordic invasions. So the unlikely success of Michael's tenure as Artistic Director of the Grand Opera House and the affection with which he was regarded owed as much to his uncompromising aura of 'Educated Englishman' as it did to the natural Celtic appreciation and understanding of a man driven by the convictions of his heart.
At a time when British Actors Equity was advising theatre companies not to go to strife-torn Northern Ireland, Michael was persuading managements in England, Scotland and Europe, to send their productions over to Northern Ireland and to the Opera House. The current success and reputation of the Opera House is due in no small part to the shambling Professor Barnes.
Our current visit was the first in over three years and I noticed a painting of Michael in the 'Green Room' that seemed to be new - there was no indication that he had died, but I had a distinct feeling that he had passed on. The painting fascinated me and each day I spent some time, looking at the posture and expression of the man I remembered so well.
Everyone has good days and bad days and the first Thursday of our visit was one of the latter. I have a love/hate relationship with my work and on that particular day, I felt that I never wanted to see the inside of a theatre again, or choreograph, or act, or for that matter, dance again.
At one point during the dismal day, I passed through the Green Room and said firmly and loudly to the painting:
"Michael, I know you've passed on - What am I going to do with my life?"
Michael looked down from the wall, with an expression I remembered so well.
~
Belfast has now been transformed from a war-torn city, full of British soldiers, barbed wire, armoured tanks and constant searches and check-points, into a bustling city with shops, stores and a shortage of cabs on a Saturday night. After unsuccessfully trying for around half an hour the following Saturday, I was eventually successful in 'bagging' on of the busy drivers. My driver turned out to be from the Philippines.
Cab drivers, the world over, are natural conversationalists. I have in the past (now to my regret) cut short the first expected question of "What do you do?" opting instead for silence and thinking time. Since my Stonehenge transformation however, I have turned over a new leaf and in fact started off the chatter by asking my driver, how he came to be living and working in Belfast. It turned out that his wife was a nurse in a local old-peoples home and that he had come over to join her. His ability with the English language had not improved in relation to his smooth driving however and the conversation was slow - until I told him that I was working at the Opera House.
"You know Michael Barnes then?"
How on earth did a taxi driver from the Philippines know about Michael?
"My wife nursed him just before he died. He used to get out of bed, put on his dressing gown and dance with her"
"He just loved to dance"
and then I remembered the medium at church and the message of help...
Yes Michael, I've got the message
"I'll keep dancing"
~
As Thomas is my patron saint, the doubts inevitably crept in. As I passed by the painting each day, I became less convinced that I had actually received a message from beyond - a spiritual medium, a message of help, a Phillipino cab driver's wife who danced around hospital beds with Michael, only weeks before he died. It all made a lovely story - but maybe also a lovely illusion.
Like Thomas, I needed more proof...
The cost of hotels and guest-house accommodation has soared in Belfast, but I had managed to find a local woman on the theatre 'digs-list' who was delighted to let me stay in her spare bedroom for a nominal rent - except that, as she was having a conservatory built at the back of her house, there would be a lot of noise from the workmen - and there was!
On the final Friday, I pottered downstairs to make a cup of tea and found myself in a long conversation about Irish comedians as opposed to English ones. The whole thing developed delightfully into a Celtic-English contest, as to who could come up with the most names and the most memorable jokes. I must have done well, as one of the workmen suddenly said
"Do you work in the theatre then?"
When I affirmed that I did, his reply could have come straight from the mouth of the medium at the beginning of the story, or indeed from Michael himself:
"I worked for Michael Barnes, just before he went into the nursing home. I put up lots of bookshelves for him. He was surrounded by books you see. The whole house was full of them and he only had space for one chair in his living room because he was...
...surrounded by books."
I passed by Michael's picture the following day and I swear he smiled at me...
(but maybe it was just a trick of the light)
Michael Barnes, OBE, arts administrator, was born on October 31, 1932. He died on May 14, 2008, aged 75
I am currently having trouble, uploading photographs of enough quality and definition, to my original Almanack and so I have decided to publish this private blog, which can only be reached at present, through a link from the Almanack, until I can find a solution.
In a strange way, this problem has caused me to create the "Secret Almanack"....
Alice in the Park
![Lady on Bench-1_thumb[3]](http://soulmerlin.typepad.com/almanack/WindowsLiveWriter/LadyonBench1_thumb3.jpg)
Wikipedia defines 'empathy' as: "the capacity to recognize or understand another's state of mind or emotion. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes",
"To in some way experience the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself."
I was walking through the gardens behind the theatre in Bournemouth were we were performing, when I saw her. Her neat way of sitting, immediately 'touched' me.
![Lady on Bench legs feet hands_thumb[5]](http://soulmerlin.typepad.com/almanack/WindowsLiveWriter/Lady%20on%20Bench%20legs%20feet%20hands_thumb%5B5%5D_19.jpg)
Robin Easton - "everything so composed, peaceful and orderly even her legs, feet and hands .. "
...I walked past her, already focussing my camera - then I doubled back and quickly took the shot. She reminded me of my mother and also myself, when I first attended spiritualist church and consciously left a place for Christina, who had just died, to my left...and then the minister said "There's a lady sitting beside you..."
Anji -"Loneliness. (S)he’s left a space for someone who won’t come anymore."...
Certainly the lady seemed out of place and somewhat tense...
Susie - My initial response, is she is thinking of times past, she is missing someone, she is watching someone that she wishes she could momentarily trade places with.. bring back time
...There was a collectedness and an alertness about the lady. Although she was sitting on the bench, she did not seem to be a part of it - rather she sat above it - as if she was in transit...
.
Robin Easton - "she sat at one end of the bench the way one would if they hoped or expected someone else to arrive. She left room for “more”, for something to happen, for “possibility”...
...Tamera "Waiting. Waiting for something, and a little anxious about it???"
She reminded me of a television play I saw many years ago, where Maggie Smith played an ex-wife who had visited her past husband and his new wife and who, after a difficult stay, was sitting neatly on the side of the bed, with her suitcase by her feet, in the guest-room, waiting for her taxi to arrive to take her to the railway station. I remember the play upset me greatly, as I had just separated from my wife.
...angel - "A Lonely (old) lady watching the world go by."
I had decided to shoot the photograph from directly opposite the lady. All around were people enjoying a bright summer's day in the park - but the viewpoint I wanted to stress, was the...
...Eric S. "Waiting, loneliness, reflections or memories." A good while ago, there was a film which a think was rather ahead of it's time - "Being There" starring Peter Sellers, concerned a Butler who was suddenly made homeless when his employer died.
The Butler, who was called "Chauncey Gardiner", was the most simple of men - some would say dim, or stupid - but he possessed such an expression of profundity, that people would hang onto every statement he made and regard every utterance as a gem of wisdom - even though the statement and his thinking behind it, was one that a child of three would make - or even 'better' in terms of wisdom.
.
Joseph - "my first impression was that this lady had senile dementia and doesn’t quite know where she is or indeed, why. Despite the fact she looks fairly composed with her belongings resting alongside her, I feel she is somewhat lost and sits waiting for someone who doesn’t look likely to appear any time soon"
Rather like Hans Christian Anderson's King, people dressed Chauncey's words and his expressions, with their own "clothes" of opinion.
So what was she thinking?... ...
The actor Spencer Tracy, was once asked how he put so much feeling into his close-ups. He replied that he did nothing more than stand there and be photographed and that the audience did the rest - in relation to the film and it's plot as it unfolded.
Bird - "she sits and waits with fingers anxiously knotted…it’s been so long. All this long time thinking him dead, and in her bag sits the faded letter, says his plane was shot down. Could he really be alive after all? Will he recognise her? She sits and waits for her young man, finally come home."
Although the lady was sitting in a park, I wanted her surroundings to be anonymous. What was important to me, was her position and expression and also the feeling of 'aloneness' that I often feel personally...
tashabud - "I believe the elderly lady is waiting for a bus. She’s either waiting for the bus to go somewhere or waiting for the arrival of someone she knows who will be riding a bus. While she waits, she makes sure to give other people room to sit down, should they want to sit down as well."
The human eye, or more exactly the brain, is very selective. When I took the picture, I was unaware of the background of the shot - after all, it was some twenty feet away, but when I transferred the shot onto my computer and looked...
...there was a young, loud lad. He was a distance away, but the two-dimensionality of the photograph meant that he intruded into the shot and set up a relationship with the lady that I didn't think really existed - except within the medium of the camera...
...So I zapped him out.
But everything in life is a collection of energy and although I had 'cloned-over' the noisy youth with grasses, the now 'invisible tyke' still existed...
A. Bolaji - "the background implying the need for peace...it is where she is sitting and the ‘power’ of the background, [that] signifies (at least to me) some kind of longing for peace and contentment."
Although the full spectrum cannot be perceived through our three-dimensional senses, many people can perceive energy or 'presence' that lies beyond...
Liara Covert - "The woman is communicating with a deceased relative. She reads energy and interacts with spirit in ways that defy words."
I have been saved a few times in my life, by following my gut instinct and I have heard 'instinct' equated with guardian angels or spirit guides. I think we must all have been in a situation, where a feeling or force has 'saved' us. I know that the times I have not followed my instinct have usually ended in disaster
Chrissy - "me & Andy are reading stuff together and laughin’ he says she is lookin’ at them guys on skateboards and bikes and thinking “When are they gonna give me some peace & quiet!”…LOL ( That is after a glass or two or even three of nice red wine!)"
Yes Chrissy and Andy, the young tyke could have been on a skateboard for all I know - and nice red wine does enable spontaneity of perception :)
Finally (for this blog post) The selective nature of the brain and of our perceptions, often blocks out the vibration of colour. This is perhaps why colour newspapers have never really taken-off. Colour softens graphic fact and adds warmth to 'reality'
It was a bright sunny day and I hadn't noticed the pretty blue of her skirt, or the vivid colours around her...
There was still something about her that touched me.
(Maybe even more so in colour)
I never saw her leave, or asked her name, but to me she will always be "Alice"..
.or... ravenscawl - Eleanor Rigby?
We all create our own realities and those of the people we interact with. Creation and Destruction are inseparable and each one cannot exist without the other...
"lt's only the Red King snoring," said Tweedledee. "Come and look at him!" the brothers cried, and they each took one of Alice's hands, and led her up to where the King was sleeping.
"He's dreaming now," said Tweedledee: "and what do you think he's dreaming about?"
Alice said, "Nobody can guess that."
"Why, about you!" Tweedledee exclaimed, clapping his hands triumphantly.
"And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be?"
"Where I am now, of course," said Alice.
"Not you!" Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. "You'd be nowhere. Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream!"
"If that there King was to wake," added Tweedledum, "you'd go out -- bang! -- just like a candle!"
"I shouldn't!" Alice exclaimed indignantly. "Besides, if I'm only a sort of thing in his dream, what are you, I should like to know?"
"Ditto," said Tweedledum.
"Ditto, ditto!" cried Tweedledee.
Still she haunts me, phantomwise.
Alice moving under skies
Ever drifting down the stream
Lingering in a golden gleam
Life, what is it but a dream
"Ditto."
"h".
Janet - Hi Henry,
"When I first look at that picture I see a lonely old women. She is looking at others around her and wishing that she had the company they do. Then I thought to myself, maybe she is not so lonely and is just out for a walk and is reflecting on her earlier years, in which she enjoyed their joy and happiness as well."
"We are such stuff as Dreams are made On, and our little lives are rounded by a Sleep."
William Shakespeare
~
http://milindsmusings.blogspot.com/2006/09/life-what-is-it-but- dream_115754570401790170.html
Take a look at this picture, what does it mean or say to you. Now write down your spontaneous feelings as a comment.
Whatever you do, don't try and over-rationalise your initial impressions, just get them down. Don't read any other comments until you have entered your own
Monday 25th August ~ will explain.
best wishes
henry
ps: "class dismissed"
I call it the “Blessing” even though we are lead to think the “Doubt” was a flaw in the nature of Thomas and that Jesus admonished him for his failure to believe without proof.
The “Doubt” of Thomas is taken to refer to his scepticism about the physical re-incarnation of Christ as reported to him by the apostles – that Jesus had indeed beaten the “death-barrier” The other possibility that Thomas simply wanted to be certain that it was indeed Jesus and not an impostor is somewhat underplayed. “Doubt” is therefore vilified as being unchristian – at least in John’s gospel.
This excerpt from a sermon I pulled up on the web, seems to support my contention.
“~The question is, will we be a doubter, or will we be one of those who Jesus said where blessed because they believe, even though they have not seen?
Dear Father, help us to believe in our heart those truths we find in your Holy Word, even though we have not seen them with our eyes. Amen.”
I personally find the above quote rather invidious, in that a member of a Congregational flock (especially a child) really has little choice but to try to believe without question, in order to remain part of the group. In one fell swoop, the prayer above brands anyone who doubts as being wrong and therefore not blessed by Jesus. The conclusion, that it is in some way unchristian to doubt and question, cannot be avoided. The conditioning is further underlined by the fact that the excerpt comes from ‘Sermons for Kids’:
www.sermons4kids.com/seeing-is-believing.html
‘Questioning belief’ therefore becomes a secret process, carrying with it the guilt of deception, together with a sense of inadequacy and ‘wrongness’.
All the translations of John’s gospel, including the modern-language ones, read in a steady scholastic way, probably due to the influence of the translators, who were probably ‘bookish-monkish’ and almost certainly cloistered.
So let’s go back 1,974 years and look at the scene in the familiar ‘human’ way of newspapers and contemporary writing:
~ Jesus has just been crucified – his disciples are in great danger from the authorities, who having ‘seen to’ the group leader, are now keen to ‘mop up’ his possibly disorientated followers. It would have probably been wiser for the sect to disband, at least for a while, until the heat died down; but no – their elation at having seen Jesus eight days earlier when he was supposed to be dead has brought them together again, this time with Thomas who wasn’t at the first meeting.
I cannot understate the danger they must have been in:
Ciaiphas had persuaded the Romans, through the political face-saving manoeuvrings of Pilate, to remove any remaining threat to their authority. The establishment would no doubt be hoping that the group would attempt to meet. Roman and possibly Jewish spies would be dispatched to merge and infiltrate the close community. Every move made by the disciples and Mary would be tracked. One can imagine bribes, rewards and promises of promotion being given, together with threats to the Jews to reveal the whereabouts of the criminals – the blasphemers.
I can imagine the thoughts of Thomas:
“Mary didn’t recognise Jesus at the tomb”
“What if he is an impostor and a spy?”
I can imagine him listening to Mary and asking:
“But why didn’t you touch him? Why didn’t you touch the wounds?”
Mary’s response “he told me not to” would only raise the suspicion that the wounds were false and painted on the body of the impostor.
Thomas was probably aware that Mary touched Jesus often; bathing and anointing him…she would know by touch or smell if Jesus was genuine.
“Maybe that’s why the man claiming to be Jesus told Mary not to touch him, and now he’s probably tracked us down to one of our risky meetings behind closed and locked doors.”
Thomas may have come to the conclusion that the authorities were trying to capture them all. He had not been there when the disciples saw him the previous Monday, eight days ago – plenty of time for a possible Jesus-spy to sort out an ambush.
All that would be needed would be a signal, like the Judas-kiss and they would all suffer a slow painful death.
So it is understandable that Thomas would consider that the only practical way of being sure that the man was not an impostor, would be to examine the wounds to see if they were real. If they were real, then that would be the proof he needed.
So here we are the following Tuesday. Again a clandestine meeting behind locked doors; fear and danger are palpable. Suddenly Jesus or the impostor is in the room –
Perhaps he was there all the time, although John does make it sound like a miraculous materialization…
~“And after eight days, again his disciples were within and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst and said, Peace be unto you.
Then said he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand and thrust it into my side; and be not faithless, but believing.”
“…and be not faithless, but believing.”
How often the above statement is used to quell doubt; to bring conformity and obedience within religious groups. How many of a congregation in a church, temple or mosque, would have the courage to stand up and say:
“I’m not sure if a God exists, but I’m looking and thinking, analysing and praying that one does exist because if there is no God and no Afterlife, then all I have left are of few years on this planet before final oblivion.”
Of course those are my words and fears and yet my Doubt is what actually motivates me and drives me on. It is my doubt that spurs me to attend meetings; to read and meditate on the concept of eternity. Sometimes I think that if this planet and this three-dimensional existence were “all” then maybe we would take better care of it and of ourselves, instead of putting up with this life and its problems as merely an annex to a “better place.”
It’s no use leaving this world in a mess, or destroying it because there’s a Heaven to go to.
Meanwhile, back in the locked meeting room, “Doubting Thomas” has got the proof he needed:
“And Thomas answered and said unto him, “My Lord and my God.”
By uttering the words above, Thomas at once exposed himself to the greatest physical risk if caught or betrayed. He had not referred to Jesus as the Son of God, but as God Himself – as God incarnate – total blasphemy to any establishment surveillance. Death would be a blessed release from the torture he would have to endure if reported and captured. No wonder Annas Ciaiphas, Pilate and the Jewish community wanted rid of Jesus. The upstart Christ had the potential to destroy the Jewish holy order – not that the Romans would have minded too much, except as an occupying force, they would have sought to keep the Jews “in their place”. Pilate would be keen to “keep the peace” – as the envoy from Rome, he would be blamed if dangerous uprisings threatened the stability of the Roman occupation. How very modern and News 24 it all sounds…
It is the final statement of Jesus that is used most often today, to quell doubt and the inevitable questioning that follows – questioning that might destabilise the current religious establishments, much in the way Annas and Ciaiphas feared the influence of Jesus:
“Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed; blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.”
Of course “They” or blessed; “They” do not have the gnawing doubt; “They” do not have the moments of elation, followed by misgivings. “They” are the believers.
But then, what is “Belief” and would you die for your belief, without the proof Thomas needed? Perhaps more importantly, would you take the risk of losing that belief in the light of critical analysis, or would you prefer to embrace what you perceive as “The Mystery”, and are afraid that investigation will reveal “the light” to be an illusion? It may be more virtuous to doubt courageously, than to hide behind a group-screen of blind belief and conformity.
The Blessing of Thomas for me is that I do not feel so alone in my doubt.
∞
Was Mary Magdalene really the ultimate toastie and was Jesus her star-crossed lover?
That’s a provocative opening statement, but there is quite some evidence to suggest that she was a remarkable woman - the counterpoint to Jesus.
Dan Brown and the Da Vinci Code have awakened an interest in Mary as a woman and of her relationship with Jesus. There is a liberal contemporary view that tries to find the “Man” in Jesus and the corresponding “Woman” in Mary.
Of course what I am really referring to with “the Man” is the idea of Jesus as having a sex-drive - indeed even experiencing an erection - or even an orgasm. Without Jesus having experienced them, I cannot see how he could really comprehend the essence of the life-force that is who we were then and are now.
I resist a personified, moralistic concept of a God; male and authoratitive, who dominates the religions of Christianity and Islam - quite unlike the more feminine religions of the East - of Buddhism and Tao.
So I admit I am biased when it comes to any discovery of a sexual side to Jesus - and of course to Mary.
Much of religious doctrine boils down to sex ~ and the avoidance of it.
“Anyone who has read Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code is aware that his entire novel revolves around the alleged historical fact that Jesus and Mary Magdalene married and had a child together (2003, pp. 244-245). Brown bases his claim on the following brief statements from the non-inspired, gnostic Gospel of Philip, which apparently was penned during the second or third century (cf. Meyer, 2005b, p. 63; Isenberg, n.d.). [NOTE: Brackets indicate missing words.]
Three women always walked with the master: Mary his mother, [] sister, and Mary of Magdala, who is called his companion. For Mary is the name of his sister, his mother and his companion (Meyer, 2005b, p. 57).The companion of the [] is Mary of Magdala. The [] her more than [] the disciples, [] kissed her often on her []. The other []…said to him, “Why do you love her more than all of us?” (Meyer, 2005b, p. 63).”
You see - I want the translation to read “The Saviour Loved her more than all of the disciples, and kissed her often on her Mouth. The other (and that indicates that Mary was a disciple also) disciples said to him, “Why do you love her more than all of us?”
That indicates that Mary was the Nurturing Goddess, fused to the earth and that Jesus was the brilliance of the God ~ a combined personification of “The All”.
I’d go with that.
The toast pictures are from http://athenadiaries.blogspot.com/ ~ it looks a good site tho’ I’ve only skimmed it so far.
excerpt from ~ http://www.apologeticspress.org/articles/3059
Technorati Tags: jesus,mary magdalene,da vinci code,dan brown
Today was the first day of rehearsals for the new part-company change-over and I (as usual) had spent a restless night in my usual state of pre-rehearsal nerves.
I’ll admit to feeling very old and ‘passed-it’ as I struggled against the icy wind that was blasting down the full length of Princes Street in Edinburgh this morning. I had hoped to go on the “Ghost Walk” that Anthony (the Ant) Wren had arranged for the previous evening but the prospect of teaching and keeping up with a group of 18-23yr old fit young dancer-singers had caused me to withdraw to my room in the hope of managing to prepare for the moment of truth when my 64yr old body would have to demonstrate to the young athletes exactly how to do the choreography.
Preparation for me involves sitting and pondering and thinking and worrying and trying to visualise exactly how the day will go and exactly how I am going to be and how the dancers are going to be (all of which is rather impossible - and I really should have gone on the Ghost Walk, instead of just gradually becoming more and more neurotic as the evening passed.)
There is something very formal and gladiator-like about doing things “right” the night before rehearsals. I had eaten early and had decided that a hot bath and an early night would be the best for me, especially as I had recently gone through a colonoscopy procedure - all the months of worry about cancer of the intestines which happily turned out to be unfounded - but which had nevertheless started during my stint on Whistle Down the Wind in the USA last summer, when a feeling of weakness and ill health crept up on me and stayed until I got the “all clear” around three weeks ago.
To be honest, I still don’t feel 100%, but the knowledge that the cause isn’t the “Big C” as John Wayne used to call it, but most likely the “Big A” does help somewhat.
After a really hot bath, I tucked myself up in bed and waited for Somnus the God of Sleep - and yes, Somnus did arrive………………..eventually.
~
8am ~The alarm rang all too soon at (I’ll be rehearsing in two hours!)
8.45am ~ I dozed off for a while (rehearsing in an hour and a quarter!)
9am ~Sitting by my bedroom window, smoking a cigarette with my third cup of coffee I’ve got to be out in half an hour - (why does time fly so quickly when a dreaded moment approaches?)
When I was a child, life beyond a forthcoming visit to a dentist was impossible to contemplate. It was the same this morning. How I wished for the day to melt away, so I could go straight to the evening, without the problem of the eight-hour rehearsal period that was due to start in less than an hour.
I looked out over the floral gardens and the open-air theatre that Liz my ex-wife and I had performed in 43 years ago…
Forty-Three Years Ago!!
And here I was, still dancing (or still trying to) Still choreographing (or still trying to)
With five minutes to go before I struggled on my winter anorak, I did the only thing I could think of; I asked the universe for help.
Just please help me - please help me.
I arrived at the theatre at around 10mins to 10am (I wish I had got there earlier) and changed into my rehearsal jeans and t-shirt, uncomfortably aware that the new dancers were already warming up and waiting for my arrival on-stage.
My cellphone bleeped -10am -time to start
Please, please help me.
I had only just started when help arrived. My cellphone rang. It was Bill, my producer and friend. ‘I just thought I’d ring you and tell you that you’ve got a good review in America for “Whistle”. Bless him. Bill works so hard that he makes me look like I’m standing still when I’m going flat out and yet he had found time to give me a boost. Then Adam, my assistant seemed to go into top gear and even I managed to get a little momentum into my teaching.
The day passed well and 6pm arrived a tad too soon. I decided to have an Indian meal in the “Shazan” tandoori restaurant across the road from the theatre. Half way through my Lamb Korma, Liz rang. She had been thinking about me all day and wishing me well…
I am not especially good at acting or dancing or singing or choreographing but I love it so and my feelings as I write this post can be summed up in two song lyrics:-
“I get by with a little help from my friends”
And especially:-
“The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to Love and be Loved in return.”
Thank you.
